Do you often feel like the underappreciated superhero of your office? Swooping in just in time to save the damsel in accounting from (yet another) email attachment virus and hurling massive stacks of computer paper is just part of your job. You also have to have the powers to subvert the evil forces of hackers and hurl ideas at desperate managers faster than the blink of an eye. Here are six superpowers IT service desk professionals dream of having after a long day of explaining (again) how to boot up the new production software.
1. X-Ray Vision
Is human resources running out of toner cartridges again? Is that another evil villain trying to sneak thumb drives out the side door? Is that receptionist trying to view that roller coaster video that’s caused no fewer than five virus attacks in the last week? If only the IT service desk workers had X-ray vision to see through walls and doors and prevent these kinds of disasters.
2. Superhuman Strength
Oh, if only computers and servers had wheels. IT workers could certainly use superhuman strength when it comes time to relocate a data center or install new desktop PCs around the office. Even the new lightweight monitors get heavy after hauling several dozen up two flights of stairs. The Hulk never had these kinds of problems.
3. Energy Sourcing
Of all the superpowers IT could use, energy sourcing is perhaps the most convenient. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to zap off power to a cubicle just before Lucy fries her monitor again? Or to boost power to critical resources when systems start groaning under the load? You could even give a good jolt to that less than friendly guy in R&D when it’s deserved.
Wouldn’t you like to know when management is going to start spouting off about cutting the IT budget again? Telekinesis would give IT service management enough heads-up to at least put together a list of reasons why this is a horrible idea. Telekinesis would also be useful for determining which vendors “solutions” are likely to screw up your carefully structured processes.
The ability to squeeze into and out of tight spots would serve the IT workers well, particularly when the company installs new software. You could escape the break room without being dragged into another whining session about how hard it is to learn the new software, and slither out of your cubicle when Martha pokes her head in again to beg you to please come show her how to work the auto sum feature just one more time.
6. Ability to Control the Elements
How great would it be to be able to control fluids spilled into keyboards? What if you could whisk in a windstorm just in time to derail another boring meeting or command flames to descend on those blasted hackers and their wicked DoS attacks? Yes, elemental control is a worthy power for the IT team.
If you could bring any superpower to work with you tomorrow, which would it be?
About Taylor Burgess
Read more articles by Taylor