Ah, preparing for that year-end report. So many exciting statistics and facts to report! Along with figures on how many IT service desk tickets were resolved within an hour and how fast the new systems upgrades went, perk up the presentation with some stats that people actually care about. Toss these interesting facts in among the more mundane ones for a chuckle (and perhaps a pat on the back for your infinite patience).
1. Include the Number of Help Desk Tickets Asking Where the Windows 8 “Start” Button Is
It’s been on the news. It’s been in the paper. It’s been on every blog written all year long — yet users still insist that Windows 8 must have a Start button somewhere. Of course, most of the tech world is in agreement that it should, but nonetheless, it doesn’t. How many users drug your help desk through this ordeal this year? Put it in the report.
2. Include the Number of Office Keyboards Destroyed by Coffee Spills
Regular and decaf, cappuccino and mocha, sugar and artificial sweetener — the only thing the office morning coffee orders have in common is that so many of them manage to end up on the keyboards. How many casualties were there this year? Ten? Twenty? More? This has to be in the report somewhere.
3. Include the Number of Help Desk Service Calls Due to Unplugged Equipment “Malfunctioning”
When, oh, when, will manufacturers finally develop computers, printers, and routers that don’t have to be plugged into the wall to work? Unfortunately, they have yet to come up with a solution yet, so users just have to get used to components that don’t work if they’re not plugged in right. Which, unfortunately, includes flipping that blasted power strip on, too.
4. Include the Amount of Time the Help Desk Spends Per Month With Users Who Forgot Their Passwords
FluffyLuvsMommy1 and SuprGolfr24 don’t really seem so complicated, but still manage to stifle users at the worst possible times, such as when a presentation is due in 2 hours or a client is expected to call in the next half hour. How much time did your IT help desk whittle away helping users reset forgotten passwords this year? That statistic is sure to boggle minds.
5. Include the Per Capita Use of Sticky Notes in the IT Department
How many little yellow pieces of paper did each of your IT staffers go through this year? Five hundred each? Five thousand? Fifteen thousand? Figure how many sticky notes the department went through and divide it by the number of workers in the department. This statistic is bound to blow their minds.
6. Include the Number of Viruses the Network Was Exposed to as a Direct Result of Cat Videos
It doesn’t matter how many times you circulate the memo, someone is always going to fall for the “Click here for this year’s BEST cat video!” email. They just can’t help it. How many viruses did cat videos introduce to your network this year? Put it in the report for some guaranteed chuckles.
7. Include the Number of Help Desk Worker Hours Spent Explaining Why Users Can’t Keep Their Beloved Windows XP Machines
Windows XP was around for a long time. A really, really long time. Users just can’t wrap their heads around having to give it up. How many hours did this incessant whining waste for your help desk workers this year? This stat might bring a laugh, but it could also initiate a few tears. Have some tissues ready.
Ready to crank out a year-end review that no one will ever forget?
About Nicole Hollingsworth
Read more articles by Nicole